pinky and the Brain

Lying in bed...

Master - What are We going to do tomorrow?

kitten- Same thing We do every day Brain? Try to take over the world?

Master- No, I don't need to conquer the world kitten, I only need to conquer you.

**Happy sigh** 

Amazing what i find romantic now:).

~His kitten

a new toy.

This weekend, i was hanging up Master's shirts and He decided to use a hanger on my ass. The hanger doesn't give at all! A very effective new toy which got a couple tears without too many swings. Master likes my tears so that works out great! 
The thing that will take getting used to for me, is that the handle hits a different spot than the other portion but at the same time so it can be a bit much but i think it has great potential and if Master likes it, that's all the matters:).
Otherwise, We had a very busy and fun weekend but i was missing Our chill time watching Netflix by the end of the weekend! 
Hope all of you had a good weekend too! 
~His kitten

my least favorite thing...

Oh nipple clamps how i loathe thee....
i struggle with any service that includes my nipples... they are very sensitive in general and so using clamps is not easy for me!
Admittedly, i almost start crying when Master gets them out... they don't even have to be on lol... i'm such a wimp in this area which, of course, makes Master enjoy it more. ;)

So, last week, Master and i were in bed and He started messing with me, using His amazing fingers:)!! i was one happy kitten! Then, He started sucking, and eventually, biting my nipples. This was both incredibly hot and painful. The pain was easier to deal with because it was from Master's mouth and wasn't constant, but definitely still painful and hard to process.

The next day, Master decided to have a theme, chains, and He brought out my handcuffs and chain training collar (😀), and the clover nipple clamps. This was when i discovered that i almost cry right when i see them lol.

Master handcuffed me, put my collar on, and then put the clamps on. i did cry pretty quickly, and not just a couple tears. i wasn't bawling or anything and Master actually likes years when i'm serving Him, so this worked fine.
The clamps were only on maybe 10 minutes. i've worn them longer in the past but i was totally tied up that time.
i feel like i failed Master because i couldn't handle longer. Well, i didn't actually ask Him to remove them but He could tell i was near my limit and took them off.
Taking them off is so bitter sweet... it hurts so bad but i know i'm serving Master with it...
After He removed them, He continued to play with them using His fingers for a while. Boy was i ever sore after!!

The following day, Master spent a lot of time using His fingers to get me so close to cumming and then allowing me too cum, as He sucked and bit my nipples again. It was such a painful heaven!!! However, my nipples have never seen this much service in this short amount of time and they were so sensitive to any touch. Wearing a bra made me feel very move my body made in my nipples!!

i don't know why my nipples are so sensitive and, while i wish they would toughen up, Master likes them so sensitive, they are more service to Him that way.

So, anyone have clamp stories to share? Anyone else have a harder time with this area or am i just weird?

~ His kitten

The things Master can have me do

There are 3 ways i am surprised that Master has taught me to serve Him.

 i don't mean cleaning or blowjobs or anything like that.

The first thing i think of is opening myself up to being transparent with Him. i don't have a problem telling most people facts about me or my life/past, however, when it comes to what i'm thinking/feeling/want i struggle to be open. i've never really had anyone who truly cared when they asked so i've learned to give pat answers and move on.

Well, Master is a different story, He wants to know me, to know that i will communicate with Him, that i'll be open and honest with Him. He wants that trust built emotionally so it shows when needed physically, if that makes sense.

So, i'm learning to be open and honest with Him. He never has used the things i tell Him against me. i am learning to trust Him and that is an amazing feeling!

The trust i'm building emotionally is why the other things that come to mind are possible.

The second thing i think of that Master can have me do, is cum on command. When We first started, Master had me practice cumming as quickly as possible. When He was there ( on the phone or in person) when i practiced, He would count down to zero and i would cum at zero. Then, one day, Master was on the phone and i was practicing, He told me to stop and then counted down for me to cum without any stimulation and i did!! i was so surprised:). my orgasms are Master's and now they are able to be His anytime, anywhere without any physical touch needed.

The third thing Master has me do that i'm surprised at, is drink from Him. i was very worried about anything to do with His pee very early on but now that He has worked up to my drinking it and my trust in Him has built, it is one of my favorite ways to serve Him.

When i kneel in front of Him and drink i feel so small and submissive. i feel His authority so tangibly. He is already much taller than me, but in this position He is just so much bigger in general. He is in control of the flow and if it is all in my mouth or if He chooses to put it on my body. The taste is a very real reminder that i am His, my body is His to use as He pleases.

Serving Him in this way puts me in the most submissive headspace and it feels so good.

Drinking from Him is something i thought i'd never do, i thought i never would even be able to have Him pee on my body. But, with time and trust built, it is a favorite way to serve Him

~ His loving kitten

Our first date

Master and i had been talking on the phone and emailing only 1 week when We met for Our first date. As i said before, We live 3+ hours apart so We met in the middle and it was my job to plan the date. i planned for Us to go bowling and to dinner but that was all i planned.

When i arrived at the bowling alley, Master was there waiting for me. In the week leading up to this date, i had asked a few times if He was going to kiss me on Our first date and He said , "I'll kiss you when I feel like it, where I feel like it and in the manner I feel like." Well, i walked up to Him in the bowling ally and He took my face and kissed me, long and soooo good :).  Master said He could tell how nervous i was when i walked in so He decided to kiss me to help me calm down :).
Bowling and dinner went very well and We were finished fairly early. Master had told me to plan for 6 hours but i didn't know He was serious, boy do i wish i had listened now! lol 

Anyway, We ended up going and walking around outside and talking and it was wonderful :). We talked so easily and Master even began introducing me to a few things like holding my hands behind my back tightly while He kissed me, or holding my throat with my back against Him while He talked to me in my ear (still one of my favorite things He does!). Nothing came up that i was not okay with, i enjoyed the things He did and wanted more. i kept Master out past the 6 hours i had been given so, as We were getting in Our cars to leave, Master told me to turn around, place my hands on the roof and bend over. i did what He said and was quite surprised when He whispered in my ear that i had disobeyed and was now going to be punished. Master spanked me right there in the parking lot. There were a few other people around but no one too terribly close, though i am sure they could have seen/heard Us if they wanted to.

Turns out, i really enjoyed being spanked... i didn't even realize there were people anywhere close by until after and Master pointed them out. 

That was how Master introduced me to the way He would handle if i disobeyed (though now He uses a leather belt because i enjoy His hand too much). 

Master told me later that He did that not only because i had earned the punishment but also to see my reaction. i had tried to run away from Him and not figure out this type of relationship only 4 days prior so He wanted my reaction. If i was going to run away from Him for good, He thought it would be after the spanking.

Obviously, i didn't run away, and even though i have earned a few more spankings, Master is very patient with me and helps me understand why i have earned a punishment if it isn't blatantly obvious to me already. i do not enjoy being punished at all... i end up crying and feeling worthless and all kinds of crazy that isn't fun to Master or me so i try to just be His good girl as much as i possibly can so He can enjoy using me and not worry about punishments.
my entire drive home that night after Our first date and my first punishment i kept thinking, am i crazy to want more of that ??!!?? i had enjoyed Him so much!!! i liked Him holding my hands tightly behind me (i had always wanted to try being tied up) and i LOVED when He held my throat and made me a little light headed and whispered in my ear... i was smiling and basking in the good thoughts from things i didn't know if they were okay to like... but i knew i liked them and i knew i had to figure out more. i never wanted to run away from Him over the public spanking.. in fact, i haven't wanted to run away from Him at all since Our first date. There certainly are things that Master says He wants to try, or for me to research and prepare for , that scare me but i trust Him, He's given me no reason not to. 

This first date was just over 3 months ago and i still am learning and working toward being the best i can be for Master but that night i knew i wanted to do everything in my power to become His and i am working on it every day.
Time to say my nightly mantra and get to bed so i can workout and get closer to being my physical best for my Master in the morning :).

~His kitten

The time i tried to run away

So, if this life wasn't something i had imagined living, you might be wondering how did my Master introduce the idea to me and what was my original reaction?

Master began by talking to me about Biblical submission (i am a Christian), how wives are supposed to submit to their husbands and what that means to Him and to me. i agreed with Him that wives should submit to husbands and He carried the conversation further by suggesting i look into Christian husbands who spank their wives. The conversation was very natural and fluid and certainly didn't happen all at once. Some of the conversation was in emails and some was on the phone and He was never pushy.

It was 3 days into Our conversation when i knew the basic idea of the relationship Master wanted and He told me i needed to decide if it was something i was willing to try or not. 
i completely freaked out! How did He know i had been curious about the ideas of BDSM but never told anyone? How could i want someone to hurt me physically but keep me safe emotionally? How could these thoughts i've had in my head for YEARS but never spoke be okay? i wanted to try, really wanted to, but this didn't fit the thought process i had when i started online dating. i couldn't decide if it was okay as a Christian, i was scared of the change and not being good at it, not actually liking it... so many fears. 

So much was unknown as well. i had read books but nothing more than being tied up, but never actually explored the ideas any further. 
i am embarrassed to tell you some of the things i thought, but i started this blog to be honest and open so others searching about this life would see maybe they aren't the only ones thinking or feeling something... so, i thought Master didn't want a relationship but that He just wanted a "robot" that would obey Him, i thought all He would ever want to do is hurt me sexually (and i had no idea what all that could look like). Everything was unknown except some of the crazy things that are out there since the 50 Shades stuff came out. i thought Master wouldn't want to spend time with me dating me or getting to know me. i thought who i was didn't really matter so much as whether or not i could obey Him. But i also though i might really enjoy being hurt, that i would love someone to tell me what to do and for them to be in charge, that obeying and making Him happy might just be what i like to do.
i was curious, i wanted to know more, but i was terrified. One of my biggest fears in life is change, and with my divorce only about a year before meeting Master, i didn't want anymore change, or so i thought :).

So, instead of talking to Master about these things, i send Him a short email about 2 hours after He said i should decide, and told Him very bluntly that i was not interested and to have a nice life.
 When Master replied the next day, He asked if i'd like to talk about it. He could sense that i was afraid of the unknown and gave me the opportunity to discuss it instead of running away. Since He was so nice and i really did like Him, i agreed to discuss it. Master spent basically an entire day emailing back and forth about my list of 15 things i had issues with. i won't bore you all with the list but He went item by item and discussed in detail each thing. This alone made me more interested in Him, no one had ever taken the time to discuss something in such detail with me. Master was so patient and explained so many things to me. 
i am often reminded of that email conversation and how thankful i am that Master wanted to see if i was just scared and talk it out with me. i would not be nearly as happy and feel so much like "me" if He hadn't taken this time with me.

This whole conversation took place only 3 days before Our first date and only about 24 hours before i was sending Him nude pictures... but that is a story for another day :).
~His kitten

Just what i need

It amazes me how well Master knows just what i need. 
This past weekend, i was going to make His lunches for the week and before i went in the kitchen, Master told me to get the hose. He gave me 14 stripes on my upper thighs and butt. Until then, the most We had done was 12. After, He said, "Now You can feel Me with you in the kitchen" (He knows how much i love my time with Him, especially since We live far apart and can't see rather during the week) and boy was He right!! i could feel Him in every move i made and it put me in my right head space to serve Him in the kitchen. Actually, i was feeling Him with me in every move i made through Tuesday and still whenever i sat on Wednesday💕💕.
He always seems to know just what i need, which is usually pain of some kind :).
~His kitten

In the beginning...

So, my attempt at the short version of my last 3 months is this :

~ things like being tied up during sex had always interested me, but i had never voiced that interest

~i crave someone to be in charge, to tell me what to do and where i stand with them, but i had always taken on this role in my previous relationship because he wasn't at all a take charge person

~ i hate playing games, i want people to know how i feel, what i'm thinking and i don't like hiding these things from anyone, especially someone i am interested in romantically

When my Master approached me online, He began the conversation with such confidence i was immediately drawn in, despite the 3+ hour travel distance between us. We live in different states, not something i ever though i would consider. Master was so interesting (a word He does NOT like me to use often :) ) and i was drawn in from the beginning. We talked about all kinds of things the first couple days but He started to introduce the idea of a Dominate/submissive relationship pretty early on. We talked about roles each person should play in the relationship and that morphed into deeper conversation, i won't bore you all with the exact details. A week later, We were on Our first date and i was hooked! 

After the first date, Master began talking in more detail, having me email Him and change my capitalization to what you are seeing here, He is always capitalized, His name is no longer used, but Master and other honorifics are, and i am always lowercase, even when/if my name is used. We have other special names for each other, but here i will only use Master.

Two weeks and THOUSANDS of emails later, i was on my way to my Master's home for the first time(thankfully i enjoy driving and don't mind the 3+hours to see Him, it is so worth it!). During the 2 days i was there, Master helped me see more what serving Him would be like, sexually and in other ways. Thankfully, Master doesn't mind all my questions (i had NO IDEA what was involved in a BDSM relationship much less a 24/7 D/s one!) and He is very patient with me. 

Aside from the way i was to address Him and email Him, i had no rules until that weekend. i was given my first couple of rules and i broke both of them that weekend, more than once if my memory serves me correctly. Master first punished me by spanking me with His hand... however, that wasn't very effective punishment as We found out quickly i rather enjoyed it ;) . Master tried multiple things but He has no settled on using a leather belt for punishment and it is very effective, i do not like to see the belt come out.

i am making this the condensed version (really, i promise i am!) so, i'll skip a few things and maybe revisit them in other posts. 

A few weeks later, i found myself at Master's house again, i believe this was the 3rd weekend there, but this time it was a long weekend, 4 days, and Master made it a training weekend. This will get it's own post as i was very nervous and has no clue what to expect, i'm sure there are others out there wondering as well. Over all, this weekend was intense but very good. i learned more rules and actually started being able to keep them, and really started working on processing pain to serve Master. 

We have not had any more official "training weekends" but i see Master almost every weekend and He is always teaching me new things and helping me learn new ways to serve Him. 

i am constantly surprised at how cared for and wanted Master makes me feel. This is new for me and i am loving it. i am also surprised at how "right" serving Master makes me feel. This past weekend, i pulled weeds and cleaned His bathroom and i just feel so.. grounded... so "right" when i am able to serve Him. i never knew i could be so openly me, serving and obeying make me happy. i am loving this new life Master has introduced me to and i am forever grateful to Him for showing me and allowing me to serve Him.

i am a masochist, as of now Master has used His hand, a rattan cane, a rubber hose (my favorite!) and a rod from mini blinds to spank me. Master is working on nipple clamps though they are currently my least favorite and hardest pain to process, i am working on getting better at serving Him with them. Master has also tied me up with rope and used handcuffs. The funniest thing so far, was the first weekend i was at Master's house, He put the handcuffs on me just to sit at His feet and watch T.V. but then, He asked me to get Him a soda... with the handcuffs on. i struggled to get to my feet (a very funny and entertaining sight for Master!) and then to figure out how to get the soda out of the box in the refrigerator...i was finally able to do it but it certainly was not easy! 

Please feel free to leave a comment with any questions you have, i will do my best to answer all of them that i am comfortable with:). Please remember, i am totally new to blogging and to this life so i am working on being comfortable with exposing this side of myself. Thank you for reading and supporting me!

~His kitten

The background :)

i am completely new to blogging but i want to share my story and my life. The wonderful life journey i'm on now began only 3 short months ago. This wasn't a life i had allowed myself to imagine living but it fits who i am at my core so very well.
To begin, i married my high school sweetheart at 21 and we were married for 7.5 years. Our marriage was never good and after he cheated on me, he left me and we got divorced. That was 14 months ago.
4 months ago, in May of 2015, i stated dating again via match.com. Something amazing happened and the man i now call my Master, found me on there and We started dating in June. 
i never thought i'd be working toward living a 24/7 D/s relationship but it has been an amazing journey. 
i hope you'll continue reading the rest of my story as it gets posted. 
i welcome your questions and comments (as long as they are kind:) ). i know 3 months ago i would have loved to find some one's story online like mine so i'm hoping to help others on their journey as well!
ttyl
~His kitten