Today i'm feeling... not ready.... as my move to live with Master full time approaches and the reality hits me more and more,i wonder if i can do this.. if it's where i belong.
i realize how much i no longer feel like i fit in this world. i struggle with this because it's necessary to stay here, to be here, to live here in this world.
Not my world with Master but this world without Him.
i miss Him, i long to sit at His feet, to serve Him, to drink from Him.
This world without Him around, is hard for me. i feel lost in it. i feel so much more.... me... when i'm with Him, serving Him and the closer that gets, the harder it is to happily live here and now.
i know this world will always be here, that i'll always have to deal with it. But, when i could be in His world every weekend, it made the weekdays in this world much easier to deal with. i can only hope and assume that, when i live in His world, serving Him, that the hours spent outside it will be easier to deal with.
i know i am a slave, i am His slave, in my core and i have no desire to live outside of that feeling.
The world without Him is cruel, scary, cold... with Him it's like everything comes to life. He protects me, He handles the mean and cruel and helps me handle it too.
i love Him so, i adore Him more and i long to serve Him fully.
~His kitten
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