Last week was very hard for me, this adjustment to not seeing Master on the weekends was not going well. This week however, i feel like i'm more settled in the routine. Not that i'm not missing Him terribly because i am, but i'm learning to be content with emails and phone calls.
What i'm missing most is feeling like myself. i don't feel like me when i'm not with Master. i have to pretend to be someone i'm not, not submissive, not His slave, not into all of "this". The weekends were my time to be me and now that isn't happening regularly. Does anyone else feel this way or am i strange?
i miss sitting at His feet, i miss the hose and cane ( not the nipple clamps though lol), i miss making His lunches for the week and doing His laundry... i miss directly serving Him.
Thankfully, i do have ways to serve Him indirectly. Things that i know i do for Him, things that will benefit Him and that helps tremendously.
It also is hard because i can't orgasm without His permission... so i am a horny mess lol.
But, i get to see Him in a few weeks and that countdown is also helping.
Hope everyone is having a good week! Happy hump day:)
~His kitten
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
a new phase
Master and i have entered a new phase in Our relationship. He has always been a few hours away but close enough to see every weekend, i mean EVERY weekend for the past10 months... We may have missed 2 weekends.
Now, He is a 15 hour drive away from me. We are truly long distance now.
Last weekend was the first apart and it wasn't easy. i didn't hear from Him at all for a few days because of Him needing to get everything set up in His new place. i was worried He decided to just drop me and be done, that He moved and didn't want me anymore... i tend to do this "catastrophic thinking" and it frustrates me and Master. i try to avoid it and fight it off but so it wins sometimes. i can't do this every weekend!! i need to focus on serving Him to the best of my ability from afar until i can join Him in a few months.
my main ways to serve Him daily are to follow my eating plan (i just started a very strict one the week before He left) and to workout.i can't remember if i have out this on here but, i have lost almost 90 pounds in the Last 18 months, with almost 60 of that since i met Master. So, following my plan and working out is something i do to become my best for Him and it is a very tangible way for me to serve Him, which helps me a lot.
i also have my mantra to say daily and some daily reporting in to Him that i do regardless of whether i've heard from Him.
i have severe abandonment issues and so Master being so far away is triggering some of that and i'm going to have to learn to know that i am wanted by Him, special to Him, even when i'm not right there with Him.
This is only a phase in Our relationship and it'll be fine but it won't be fun or easy.
i don't know when i'll see Him again, He needs to get His new job going before We can make plans.
We have always head a journal that i write in and take to His house for Him to read if He chooses too. Now that journal is online and i like being able to write anytime i need to without people really knowing what i'm doing but now i don't know if He's reading it.... i like to know He's reading it. i guess it's a way i can see that He's interested in me and my thoughts and feelings. We don't generally discuss what i journal but it's a way for me to communicate even when i don't necessarily intend to.
So, that's Our new phase, me learning not to freak out and Master living in a new state, starting a new job.
Hope things are good with all of you!!
~His kitten
Now, He is a 15 hour drive away from me. We are truly long distance now.
Last weekend was the first apart and it wasn't easy. i didn't hear from Him at all for a few days because of Him needing to get everything set up in His new place. i was worried He decided to just drop me and be done, that He moved and didn't want me anymore... i tend to do this "catastrophic thinking" and it frustrates me and Master. i try to avoid it and fight it off but so it wins sometimes. i can't do this every weekend!! i need to focus on serving Him to the best of my ability from afar until i can join Him in a few months.
my main ways to serve Him daily are to follow my eating plan (i just started a very strict one the week before He left) and to workout.i can't remember if i have out this on here but, i have lost almost 90 pounds in the Last 18 months, with almost 60 of that since i met Master. So, following my plan and working out is something i do to become my best for Him and it is a very tangible way for me to serve Him, which helps me a lot.
i also have my mantra to say daily and some daily reporting in to Him that i do regardless of whether i've heard from Him.
i have severe abandonment issues and so Master being so far away is triggering some of that and i'm going to have to learn to know that i am wanted by Him, special to Him, even when i'm not right there with Him.
This is only a phase in Our relationship and it'll be fine but it won't be fun or easy.
i don't know when i'll see Him again, He needs to get His new job going before We can make plans.
We have always head a journal that i write in and take to His house for Him to read if He chooses too. Now that journal is online and i like being able to write anytime i need to without people really knowing what i'm doing but now i don't know if He's reading it.... i like to know He's reading it. i guess it's a way i can see that He's interested in me and my thoughts and feelings. We don't generally discuss what i journal but it's a way for me to communicate even when i don't necessarily intend to.
So, that's Our new phase, me learning not to freak out and Master living in a new state, starting a new job.
Hope things are good with all of you!!
~His kitten
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