i'm just going to put it out there to start with, then i'll explain.
This past weekend, i experienced 6 anal orgasms. 3 with Master's fingers and 3 with Master's cock.
So... i'm writing about this because Master thinks it would be a good outlet for me to think it through.
This is very hard for me to write about, think about, admit to you all or even to Master. Just saying i had 6 anal orgasms was very difficult to type.
There are many reasons this is difficult. The least is that society doesn't generally think anal play is acceptable. That really doesn't factor in the difficulty too much for me.
This is difficult because if my previous marriage. my ex husband anally raped me repeatedly over many years of our marriage. i was forced down on my bed or a chair in the living room and then, sometimes with actual lube ( but not anal lube) and sometimes just with a touch of spit, he would have his pleasure. He would tell me not to make noise or he'd go longer so i kept my screams inside, he would leave me crying and bleeding considerably to go play on his computer. This happened more times than i can count.
So, anal is a VERY touchy subject for me. i understand why Master wants it, and this weekend, i learned it can feel pretty good, but i have very high walls built around that subject in my mind.
i need to admit that the anal orgasms this weekend were full body, leg shaking, better than vaginal, orgasms. But, for some reason, that isn't enough for me to about i enjoyed it. i still can't say i did... it just stops in my head. i can't admit that.
i'm afraid that Master won't be as gentle, as in tune to me during anal anymore if i admit it. i'm afraid anal is all He'll ever want if i admit it...i'm afraid of what admitting it means for Our future exploration...
Does anymore else struggle so much with anal?
~His kitten
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